im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
