TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
