Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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