i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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