Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
