my sisters under your porch take her home
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
