Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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