It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
