If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it because I queefed?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
