Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
