Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
