How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
