Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
