God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
