Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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