My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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