you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
