How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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