the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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