a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
