Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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