I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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