How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
