Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
