Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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