Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
