It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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