Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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