She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
