I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
