I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
