i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
