why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
