would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
