No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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