So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
