the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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