Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm at about main and main street
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
