is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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