i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want her autograph on my taint
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
