driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
