Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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