My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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