she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
