i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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