You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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