Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
