my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
