I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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