after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
