I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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