Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
