I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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