There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
