Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
