Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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