The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will be naked everywhere
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
