Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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