You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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