I've blown a few things in my day
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
