Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
