Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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