I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize