I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
