Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
