We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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