while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
