This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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