remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
