I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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