So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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