i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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