If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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