true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
