I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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