ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
