Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
