Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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