wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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