Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
