God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize