I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
