i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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