the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
