Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
