I wish I only lived at night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
