are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
