Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize