he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
