morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
