Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She announced her abortion via fbk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
