Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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