Where are you?
In a non slutty way
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
