How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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