my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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