I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sext me about skeletons
try to milk me bitch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
