It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
