I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
