everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
