she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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