Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
