dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
