I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were trust falling into bushes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
