thus making me awesome and them whores
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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