Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize