YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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