I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
