It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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