you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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