I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
