Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
