she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
