I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Boobs speak an international language.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
