I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
