he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
