I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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