How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she looked like the before picture.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
